Top 10 Signs You’re Not a Celebrity



The Sundance Film Festival brings lots of celebrities to Utah every winter: they brighten up the dreary winter here with their sparkling, larger-than-life selves. There are some big differences between us regular folk and the Beautiful People who congregate in Park City, though: $300 haircuts, $10,000 handbags and million dollar salaries, just to name a few. Rubbing elbows with these folks might make anyone feel a little subconscious, but we thought we’d point out all the signs you’re not a celebrity, just in case there’s any confusion.


Celebrities don’t line up numerically at the gate before they board a plane. And they don’t have to pull out their debit cards to get a snack. They’re either sipping free champagne in first class, or napping on their own private jet.


You have ‘em… they’re just buried underneath a few inches of flab. Taylor Lautner knows exactly where his abs are. So does every teenage girl on the planet.


If you were a celebrity, you and your date would be inundated with autograph requests and hounded by paparazzi. Of course, celebrities don’t consider burgers at Carl’s Junior a big night out on the town.


Sadly, Entertainment Tonight doesn’t want to talk to you at all.


You can just pick up that little molded-plastic wading pool and dump it right out on the lawn. Celebrities have nice in-ground pools with waterfalls. And pool boys with abs.


And he just wants to sell you more insurance.


Because you didn’t have $153 million in assets, a private jet and three country homes to fight over. Also? You didn’t get $50,000 a month in alimony.


The same size as the carriage house behind most celebrity homes.


Well, it’s supposed to hold two cars. Really it holds one car and a bunch of crap you couldn’t fit in the house. Jay Leno’s garage holds more than 200 cars.


Also the same teeth. And the same breasts (or lack thereof). You have a plethora of new wrinkles, though.