February 15 marks Singles Awareness Day. In case you weren’t already aware of your singledom yesterday, while gooey couples snuggled and cooed and sucked face in every restaurant in your city. Ugh. But you know what? Being single isn’t all bad. In fact, you may even have it better than some folks. Here are the top 10 signs you’re better off than your married friends.
Unlike your best friend’s house, which on any given day can smell like sweaty gym socks, double-garlic pizza or putrid flatulence, thanks to her boorish husband.
Your buddy spends roughly 99% of his disposable income on things like manicures, waxing, new shoes and the latest John Mayer album on iTunes. No, those things aren’t for him. But since he has a joint checking account with the Missus, what’s his is hers. 99% of it. That leaves him just enough cash for a soda and a hot dog.
Your parents and siblings are cool; thus their parties are cool. Your family doesn’t make everyone play Bingo or Charades. They don’t pick each other apart and make snide comments. They don’t ask you when you’re going to have a baby. Listen to your friends’ stories about their in-laws’ parties and you’ll never want to get married. Ever.
While your friends are changing diapers and watching rented videos so they can save up to buy a house, you’re at the club, hanging out with the other beautiful people. Or maybe you’re at the local university, enjoying a lecture about historic architecture in Paris. Either way, there are never any poopy diapers.
You drive a silver 2013 Audi TT RS with a five-cylinder, turbocharged, 360 horsepower engine and nappa leather interior. Your buddy drives a 2004 Kia Sedona Minivan with 195 horsepower, peeling paint, a torn, stained fabric interior and no less than 2 dozen crusty, old french fries strewn about on the floor and seats.
Your bestie just drove 10 miles to the orthodontist and spent $3500 on braces for her kid. You just hopped on a plane, flew 6,000 miles and spent $3500 for a week in Italy.
You’re wearing fabulous dry-clean only from Ann Taylor (with matching accessories). Your friends are wearing spit-up stained sweatpants and their husband’s shredded college hoodie.
Do you ever say, “Honey, is it ok if I go to the gym for an hour?” or “Do you think we could turn the TV off for the evening and just enjoy a quiet evening free of laugh-tracks?” NO! You just go to the gym (anytime you want), come home, turn off the TV and eat toast for dinner if you feel like it.
None of this “I’ll trade you one chick flick for an action movie” garbage. You can see all the inane romantic comedies or blow -em up thrillers you want. Without negotiation. And you don’t have to share your popcorn.
Ever try getting any sleep while clinging to the edge of the bed in an attempt not to fall off, while desperately gripping the corner of the blanket to keep from freezing to death? Married people know that mattress real estate is priceless. But you have the luxury of your very own down comforter, 600-thread count sheets and the entire bed.