Every year, you make your list of New Year’s resolutions. And every year they just don’t seem to happen. Why? Well, we won’t go into all your psychological failings here but here are the top 10 signs you’ll never keep those resolutions.
Day One at the gym and you just had to crank the treadmill to 4.5, didn’t you? Now your ankle is sprained and you’ll spend the next week icing it on the couch, watching reruns of Dawson’s Creek and eating ice cream. Getting into shape? You already have a shape…round.
Mark’s getting fired for insubordination? Rachel’s son was just arrested for disorderly conduct? Heather broke up with Steve? So much for your resolution to not gossip this year… this stuff is just too juicy. Time to update your Facebook status!
And frosted it with his world-class chocolate frosting. So much for that diet. You can always start dieting tomorrow… or whenever that cake’s gone.
You swore you wouldn’t take any more phone calls during dinner time. But this call could mean a nice, fat commission check. Surely your wife won’t mind—even if it IS your anniversary. Hint: the divorce attorney could cost more than the commission. Just sayin.
You had every intention of reading more this year. But you probably shouldn’t have tried to do it in the bathtub.
Smoking is bad for your health and you’ve promised your family (and yourself) that you’ll quit this year. But when you get to the drugstore, the Nicorette gum is sold out. It’s a lot of work to drive to another store. Oh well, better luck next year.
This is definitely the year you’ll pay off all those credit cards… just as soon as you stock up on all that really great clearance merchandise. After all, you can’t be expected to forgo a $10 Snuggie, can you?
Just looking at all the junk in the garage makes you exhausted. Your resolution to get organized might make Martha Stewart proud, but it also makes you want to curl up in a ball and take a three-hour nap.
It’s time to face the truth: you just don’t like your in-laws. So even though you’ve made a resolution to spend more time with family, you’d like to edit that item to exempt anyone that isn’t blood related. To you.
Sign up for yoga? Sure—but you have to research to find the best studio. Read a self-help book? Yup—just buy the right one. Meditate? Yes—as soon as you can find a spot on the cluttered floor to sit in the lotus position.