Top 10 Signs You Need a Beach Vacation

Top 10 Signs You Need A Beach Vacation

So the winter doldrums have set in and you’re feeling kind of cranky. It’s six degrees outside and the walk needs to be shoveled (again!) While you’re suffering, some folks are basking in the sun. So get on a plane already! Need some validation before you drop a couple thousand bucks on a trip to Hawaii? Here are the top 10 signs you need a beach vacation.


Your New Year’s resolution is to lose 10 pounds so you’ll look great in a bikini. But that’s so hard to do in January when you just want to curl up on the couch and eat chocolate. A beach vacation is the best diet motivation ever.


Yes it’s true that no one sees your legs all winter while they’re hidden under those wool slacks. But really? When your leg hair is getting long enough to braid, it’s time to get out the razor. Those silky smooth legs will look great on the beach!


Lack of sunshine can really cause rickets. Sounds like a Charles Dickens novel, but it can happen to you. We’re not even kidding about this—you have a serious medical reason to book that ocean-view room.


Too bad you don’t glisten in the sun like Edward. Since you don’t have his sparkly complexion (or his ability to live FOREVER), it’s time to get a tan.


When we said “get a tan,” we meant at the beach. That self-bronzer just makes you look like a great big Cheeto. Also? The manufacturer wasn’t kidding when it wrote those instructions recommending thorough hand-washing after application.


In the summer, you get a pedicure once per week (that’s what your husband thinks. Really it’s twice a week). Now your toenails are seriously crusty and disgusting and your poor pedicurist is going broke. Do you want to be singlehandedly responsible for this woman’s foreclosure? We didn’t think so.


Which sounds better? Carrying a double-mocha latte in one hand and an umbrella in the other while trudging through a snowstorm… or sipping a mai tai with a twee little paper umbrella while sunning on the beach? No contest.


What would your high school English teacher have to say about your blatant disregard for the written word? Stop at the bookstore in the airport and buy at least two books. Yes, trashy romance novels still count as fiction.


You hurt your back shoveling snow. Then you messed up your knee when you fell on the ice. You should be slathering on sunscreen right now… not muscle relief cream!


You laugh. But have you ever seen a guy who’s lost three fingers to frostbite? That guy’s not getting any dates sporting that scary claw hand. Just an FYI… no one gets frostbite on the beach in Hawaii. Instead? They get dates with hot bikini babes.