Top 10 Signs You Might Be Pregnant

Top 10 Signs You Are Pregnant

Whether you’ve been eagerly anticipating the joys of pregnancy, or dreading the possibility, the signs that you might be pregnant can easily be confused with other maladies. Here are 10 signs you might be pregnant . . . or not.

If you find yourself falling asleep while reading “Finnegan’s Wake,” watching “Law and Order”  or eating dinner with your in-laws, you might be pregnant. Or just bored. Try finding some higher quality entertainment. If you still fall asleep, you might be pregnant.

This morning, you opened your eyes, gazed lovingly at your husband, then raced into the bathroom to throw up. Three possibilities: 1) The burrito you ate last night was a mistake. 2) The mere sight of your husband makes you sick. 3) You’re pregnant.

Because you ate it all. Didn’t you buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s just two days ago? Yup, you might be pregnant. Or you’ve turned into a huge glutton. Or both. At least if you’re pregnant, you have an excuse. The baby needs calcium, after all.

Neither do your dress pants. Or your skirts. In fact, all you want to wear is something with an elastic waistband. It’s either time to call Weight Watchers, or you’re pregnant.

The Mayo Clinic says that “irritability” is a sign of pregnancy. Your husband says that you’re being downright bratty. If you’re not normally a wicked witch, your recent bouts of tantrum-throwing might be due to the fact that you’re pregnant. For your husband’s sake, we hope so.

You smell freshly popped popcorn at the office and start looking for the culprit so he can share. Turns out, it’s Joe… three floors below and at the opposite end of the building. The popcorn is one thing, but if you’re sitting in your family room and can still smell the birthday cake that the neighbor down the street is baking, you might be pregnant. Or really craving chocolate cake. Or both.

One minute you’re euphoric, the next a Volkswagen commercial makes you cry. Mood swings are a sign of pregnancy. Also a sign of bi-polar disorder. Depending on your situation, one could be more likely than the other.

You’re usually in pretty good shape. But suddenly, just watching an hour of “America’s Got Talent” on the couch results in as much back pain as an entire day of pulling weeds. Now you’re lined up with the senior citizens at the drugstore, buying cream that smells like old people.

You last dined on dirt at age four when Jimmy Snyder double-dog-dared you. Now it’s sounding like a delicacy, and you also have the urge to suck on a piece of chalk, perhaps as an appetizer. This crazy craving is called pica, and pregnant women sometimes experience it due to iron deficiency. Put down that garden trowel and go get a pregnancy test already.

See the little “+” in the window of the plastic tester? Every first grader knows that + stands for adding. And you’re about to do some adding. To your family, that is. Congratulations, you’re pregnant! Go out and buy some ice cream, some elastic-waisted pants and some Bengay. Then go home and have a nap.