Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there; we would be lost without you! In celebration of this special holiday, we’ve devised an entertaining, enlightening, down-right amusing survey. We know that moms come in all varieties . . . so what kind of mom are you? Take our quiz to find out. (Write down your answers)
Your six-year-old daughter tells you she wants to play the violin. Do you:
a. ) Buy a violin and find the nearest teacher specializing in the Suzuki method. Schedule twice-weekly lessons.
b. ) Violin was your talent for the Miss Dairy Pageant, so you know all about stringed instruments. You can teach her yourself.
c. ) Take her to the music store and talk her into the electric guitar. It’s much cooler. You don’t want her to become an orchestra geek.
d. ) Invite every relative within 500 miles to attend her recital. Record it and play it back for everyone at the family party afterward. During a special toast, tell her how proud you are and make everyone tear up with emotion.
Your baby just said his first word: “Dada.” You:
a. ) Contact your pediatrician. “Dada” is grammatically incorrect. Shouldn’t he be saying, “daddy” or “father?” Schedule an appointment with a pediatric language therapist.
b. ) Call your husband and tell him the good news. Celebrate by scheduling another photo shoot with the photographer, and buy new outfits for everyone.
c. ) Dress him in his black “Led Zeppelin” onesie and video tape him for posterity. Post it on YouTube.
d. ) Bake a “Joey’s First Word” cake and have his older siblings gather around the table to sing the “You’re So Special” song to him.
It’s little Jimmy’s seventh birthday. How do you celebrate?
a. ) Take him to his favorite symphony (Jimmy just loves Mahler!). Afterwards, enjoy a nice meal in a fancy restaurant; Jimmy can practice his table manners.
b. ) Invite the entire second grade to the pool party in your backyard. The kids will love the pony and the bouncy house! Complete his “7th Birthday Party!” scrapbook page the following day.
c. ) Let Jimmy finally get his ears pierced. The tattoo will have to wait until high school—you’re cool, but there are limits after all. Take him to a theme restaurant where they’ll stick a sombrero on him, sing “Happy Birthday” and give him a free dessert. Post the pic on Facebook immediately.
d. ) Gather the extended family together for a big BBQ. Sing, “Happy Birthday” and present Jimmy with a huge, homemade cake in the shape of his favorite super hero. Gather the family to watch the video footage the next afternoon (with popcorn).
It’s been a long, stressful day full of errands. You’re on the way home from soccer practice and it’s dinnertime. You:
a. ) Stop at Whole Foods to pick up a roasted organic free-range chicken, organic carrots and a loaf of gluten-free bread.
b. ) Notice the next-door-neighbor mowing his lawn. Stop the car, stick your head out and say hello. Hint that an invite to his BBQ tonight would be soooo fabulous. No, it doesn’t matter that he hasn’t planned a BBQ. Yet.
c. ) Stop at McDonald’s. Happy meals all around!
d. ) No problem. There’s a pot roast in the crock pot, several jars of home-canned green beans in the pantry, and an apple pie that you baked at 5:00 a.m.
Thanks to spring break, your kids have been out of school all week. At 5:00 p.m. Friday night, your in-laws stop by for a surprise visit. Your house:
a. ) Is spotless. The kids all completed the chores on their chore wheel before their two hours of music practice and algebra tutoring.
b. ) Is clean. The cleaning lady came by while you were at the hair salon this morning, and the kids have been at spring break camp all week, so they haven’t had a chance to mess it up.
c. ) Isn’t that messy. Unless you count the pizza boxes and soda cans on the coffee table. And the unfolded laundry on the couch. You just hope the in-laws leave before your teenaged daughter’s friends show up for the party you’re throwing later tonight.
d. ) Is pretty clean. Of course, Suzie’s art project is on the kitchen table and the family go-cart project is scattered on the back lawn. But after a whole week of interactive, educational family activities, what can they expect?
Time to buy clothing for the kids. Where do you go?
a. ) Nowhere. You’ve already ordered their school uniforms from the catalog.
b. ) Barney’s. You can’t beat their service! While you’re there, you pick up a little something for yourself.
c. ) The vintage consignment shop downtown. Retro is all the rage. Snap some photos of the displays and create a new pinboard on Pinterest later.
d. ) The fabric shop. Then pull out the sewing machine and get to work!
Your sixth grade daughter has signed up for the school talent show. You:
a. ) Have her practice that violin for four hours a day until the event. Take her to a costume designer and have a special dress made. Impart to her the importance of not screwing up in front of the whole school.
b. ) Take her to the salon for mother and daughter mani/pedis the day before the show. Hope that the other moms don’t notice their husbands ogling you.
c. ) Buy her a vintage Madonna costume and teach her to lip sync to “Lucky Star.”
d. ) Convince her that the whole family should join in. Gather all the kids together, write a song and sew some matching vests. Get the audience to sing along!
You’re about to load the kids into your automobile and go for a three hour drive. What are you driving?
a. ) A Volvo wagon. It’s the safest car on the market, and suitably expensive to impress the neighbors. The kids will learn 40 new Latin vocabulary words by listening to the foreign language CD.
b. ) A Lexus SUV. All the surgeon’s wives are driving them these days. Your satellite radio is tuned to the top 40’s station. You hum along; the kids are plugged into their Nintendo DS’s, so they can’t hear anyway.
c. ) A Harley. If you have more than one kid to drive, you take the Camero. You and the kids sing along to “We Will Rock You.”
d. ) An American-made mini-van is your vehicle of choice. You listen to Radio Disney for awhile, then turn the radio off and sing “The Wheels on the Bus” in a round.
Family movie night! What are you doing?
a. ) You’re at the city library, watching a documentary on Darfur and engaging in the discussion group with the director afterward.
b. ) The MegaHuge theater. Popcorn, soda and the Justin Bieber concert in 3D.
c. ) You pull up Flickstr on your iPhone and find that Midnight in Paris is playing at the indie theater. You get in trouble with the manager for texting during the movie.
d. ) Hang a sheet against the back of the garage, throw down some blankets, pop some popcorn and watch home movies all evening. Just like a drive-in!
You’re planning the family vacation. Where will you go?
a. ) Washington, D.C. Three days at the Smithsonian, a tour at the Supreme Court, and a quick detour to Cambridge to visit the campus at M.I.T.
b. ) Hawaii, of course. You haven’t been working on these abs all winter for nothing.
c. ) Bike week in Daytona Beach! Download the official Bike Week app on your phone so you’ll have info on all the events at your fingertips.
d. ) The Grand Canyon. Pile into the family van, play “I Spy” and “Travel Bingo” while you make the ten-hour journey. Then you’ll hold hands and gaze in wonder at the majestic scenery.
Count how many a’s, b’s, c’s and d’s you have to find out what kind of mom you are.
If you mostly have a’s:
You’re a Dragon Mom. You’ve read Janet Gonzalez-Mena’s book, “Dragon Mom: Confessions of a Child Development Expert” cover-to-cover and you’re the president of her fan club. You’ve scheduled your kid for every possible activity, with college entrance applications in mind.
If you mostly have b’s:
You’re a MILK Mom. Your teenage son’s friends seem to hang out at your house a lot and you often catch the neighbors’ husbands checking you out. You’re the “Mom I’d Like to Kiss.” It’s not your fault you’re so hot.
If you mostly have c’s:
You’re a Hip Mom. You are so cool. Or at least you try to be. You stay abreast of the latest social media buzz and know the words to all the indie band songs. You consider your kids to be your best friends.
If you mostly have d’s:
You’re a Brady Bunch Mom. Your family simply couldn’t survive without you. You’re the family chef, laundress, housekeeper and moral compass.